Ask Reuben Kigame

‘Ask Reuben Kigame’ is an interactive forum for all. You may ask any question on faith, relationships, careers, personal struggles etc, or share how you have overcome so that others can learn from you.

Mr. Kigame’s many years in ministry, his love for people and his open ear accord him a unique chance to talk about life. He does not have all the answers but is able to guide you where he is not able to go himself.

You may send your question anonymously using the form below and Mr. Kigame will do his best to respond as quickly as possible.

Some of the questions that have been asked in the past and Kigame’s responses are listed below the form:

Your question is saved and will appear when it is answered.

Answers So Far..

  • Someone asked:
    Hello man of God. I am just asking if you have any piano lessons. And if yes, how are they accessible.
    • Reuben Kigame replied:
      Yes, we offer piano lessons at Kigame Music Academy. Get in touch with the academy through this number for more details 0721 971 971 or 0733 971 971.
  • Someone asked:
    I have been married for six years in a far from happy union. My spouse subjects me to both emotional and physical abusive on a regular basis. Yet, the Bible is against divorce. What is your take on this? Does it mean that as a staunch Christian I have to stay in a physically & emotionally abusive marriage even when divorce might provide a better and more practical alternative?
    • Reuben Kigame replied:
      I am really sorry for what you have been going through. I pray and will continue to pray that God gives you His help at this trying time. The Bible is not against divorce. Yes, God hates divorce as the book of Malachi states, but it does not close its doors to the option if there is unfaithfulness and desertion or denial of faith. Divorce is wrong and tormenting for anybody, whether Christian or otherwise. It tears lives that have been sewn together apart. It leads to the suffering of children, emotional damage, and the general loss of faith in marriage and family, among other factors. It is ugly and, whoever contemplates it must truly be committed to counting the cost. Even where there is unfaithfulness as a reason hinted by Jesus in the Gospels, God still expects us to exercise a spirit of forgiveness. The story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8 shows us the extent and context of this spirit of forgiveness, i.e. the need to examine our own faults as we condemn other people's faults. Jesus gave the example of someone trying to remove a speck in someone's eye when he has a plank in his. He would then tell each of us, "Let whoever has not sinned cast the first stone." So, it may sound like the easy alternative, but divorce must factor in this aspect too. Jesus would add that Moses had permitted a certificate of divorce because of the hardness of the Israelites hearts. In 1 Corinthians 7, there is a big discussion on marriage, complete with a couple of examples on the possibility that one could leave another on the basis of unbelief. Paul says that if the unbeliever quits, it is permissible to break the marriage. Indeed, if someone leaves you and marries another person, you cannot insist on being their second spouse. This, however, is not a license to demonize your spouse as a non-believer on your own terms so that you can go free. Back to the specificity of your question, you cannot insist on staying in a house where today you are beaten and maimed and tomorrow you are thrown against the wall or hit with a blunt object, in the name of turning the other cheek or being "submissive." Submission comes easy where its partner exists, i.e. love. In the face of regular physical and emotional abuse, it may be necessary to move out and have the matter settled through mediation and counseling. Please let your Pastor, parents and best couple know about this and tell them you will need their support in the process. Meanwhile, please seek counseling help from a registered, godly person who is also mature physically and spiritually. In case there are children involved, please discuss with these people how to deal with them. A children's officer may be necessary for consultation.
  • Someone asked:
    I am a born again Christian, but sometimes I doubt my faith when so often things go wrong for me and yet they appear to always go right for my secular and alcoholic friends. What is the use of living in God's ways if I can't seem to draw any benefits? is happiness for born-again Christians only a promise for the afterlife?
    • Reuben Kigame replied:
      Thanks for being open. Doubt, in and of itself, is not evil. It is what you do with it that makes a difference. When you question things, it can actually confirm rather than weaken your faith. For example, if you hear a pastor preaching something you consider incorrect, your doubting the veracity of that teaching is not evil. The Bible actually encourages us to "test the spirits to see if they are from God." (1 John 4:1ff). Thomas wanted to be sure that what his colleagues were telling him of the risen Christ was true. This is positive in nature. The Psalmist doubted like you many times. In fact, in Psalm 73 (which I encourage you to read), he had the kind of doubt you are talking about in this question, i.e. why do the ungodly seem to do better than believers economically and socially? This made him feel as if he was on slippery ground and as if he had believed in vain. He says that it is when he went into the house of God and reflected on this matter that he realized the opposite was true. In the meditations at the house of the Lord, he realizes that it is the ungodly that are on slippery ground in that they believe they are ok when they actually are not. ... I wrote a song about this situation many years ago. It is called "Sina Mungu Mwingine." The song simply points to the fact that, when we come to this point, sanctuary answers have a deeper resolution of this situation. Our bodies and hearts may faint over these realities until we come to the realization that in the balance of things, having the Lord as "my portion forever" is a treasure beyond the wealth that drives meaning for the ungodly. ... This does not mean that doubt is uncomfortable. It is. One thing that helps me as an individual is to take these kinds of doubts to the Lord in prayer. They are not permanent and neither are our circumstances. Even the ungodly go through challenges you do not know, for instance, they may have all the resources but no sleep, no health, no peace, no joy, etc. As you sleep at night in peace, some of them are spending millions on nothing but security systems, more dogs, walls, and bugler-proofing, more expensive and sophisticated locks, etc. Yes, we are supposed to be happy in this life, but happiness does not last. Joy lasts. There is a difference. ... If you look closely, by the way, you will realize that wealth is a state of mind, and so is poverty. For someone who has one house or a small one for that matter, he/she may feel poor compared to someone else who has two or more. But, you know, someone who has one house is richer than the person who has none or lives on the street. If you check well, you might realize you have more clothes or more money in fact than someone else. Please read Psalm 103 and learn to start counting your blessings. It will, like the singer said, surprise you what the Lord has done to you.
  • Someone asked:
    I have been smoking for some time now and I find it very hard to stop. This began when I was in Form 2. Is there anything I should do to help me stop?
    • Reuben Kigame replied:
      When someone recognizes a weakness, one simple way of dealing with it is to flee its presence. You would do yourself a great good if you stopped hanging out with smokers, that is, if you haven't already. Second, it might do you good to let loved ones know of both your addiction and your desire to break free. This way, they can provide good moral support when you're battling with temptation. Three, try getting yourself something to eat or drink or do whenever the temptation to smoke rears its head, something that can comfortably and healthily occupy your senses. Fourth, there's a battle in the mind, where arguments and counter-arguments takes place, such, "Ok, just once more and not again," or "I'm not addicted; I can break free whenever I want so I can do it now;" or "I'm helpless against this and there is no need resisting." It's important to know two truths: one, that great victories are first and foremost won in the mind before they are won on the ground. Two, that when you have reached your end and you can no longer even hang on, there is victory in Jesus. If you desperately need to break free, if you recognize that this thing is destroying your life and enslaving you, turn to the tried and tested way: Jesus still sets free prisoners who cry to him for help. He will not only set you free from your addiction, He will set you free for life.
  • Someone asked:
    My Big Bro tells me that I should stop watching violent films as a teenager because they will affect me. Is this true?
    • Reuben Kigame replied:
      In computer language they use the phrase "garbage in, garbage out," (GIGO) to mean that whatever data you feed into your system, that is the data you get from it. It was the US Surgeon-General (a title similar to, but with more authority than Kenya's Director of Medical Services) who told Americans as far back as the 1980s that there was a correlation between aggressive and violent pictures in the media and aggressive and violent behaviour in the society. If you feed your mind on a diet of violence, that is what will come out of you. One who does not want to be a gossip does not listen to gossip. If you listen to and watch violence, that is what will come out of you. Americans have at last come to know, the tragic way, that violent movies contribute to a violent society and that violence always involves young people. Notably most Kenyan youth watch movies produced in America. Infact, the fact that you enjoy watching violence may actually indicate a personality already tuned to violence.
  • Someone asked:
    Is it wrong for me to listen to secular music?
    • Reuben Kigame replied:
      Before we respond to whether it is wrong to do so, we need to know what we mean by "secular" music. The word "secular" is derived from the Latin word, "seculum" which implies "this worldly" or "pertaining to the standards of this world." It is commonplace that some of the standards of the world are not right. For instance, several systems of the world argue that if the majority like something then it is good. Yet the majority can be wrong. Also, it is widely believed that if something feels good then it is okay. Yet there are some things that feel bad but are what we need, e.g. bitter-tasting medicine. We may, therefore, say that any music that champions such standards is not good. A piece of music does not have to possess explicit religious content for it to be good. Some music can be used for educational purposes e.g. the study of nature around us or for keeping traffic regulations, etc.
  • Someone asked:
    Is it wrong to masturbate when you feel a sexual urge?
    • Reuben Kigame replied:
      There are at least two problems with masturbation that every young person needs to know. First, it does not involve romantic love but mere lust. Love is directed to someone else, but when you masturbate you direct that love to yourself. Remember that loving yourself sexually is not only absurd but destructive to your personality. Similarly, it is emotionally destructive to lust after yourself. Even where people have defended sexual fantasy or pornographic involvement, there is nothing real. Sexual illusions can destroy one's emotional stability, leading to other harmful tendencies such as developing the desire to rape. Second, it has been proven that a constant practice of masturbation leads to poor sexual performance in marriage. One tends to think about himself/herself instead of thinking about their spouse. It can also lead to unfaithfulness since one encourages random sexual feelings. In some cases, it has led some people to mental instability and ruined their capacity to think straight. In short, it is not a good practice. If the problem persists, it is helpful to see a counselor.
  • Someone asked:
    Is it wrong to put on shorts and minis in Church or in public?
    • Reuben Kigame replied:
      Before determining whether something is right or wrong, it is helpful to always ask yourself why you are doing a particular thing. Nothing is right or wrong in itself. This particular question has got to do with what other people think about dressing like this with regard to how it affects them. If something harms somebody else, it is not kind to keep insisting that it is their problem if they are affected. In Church, it might be helpful to ask if God is glorified by such dressing and if those who attend are affected in any way by seeing you dressed as such. Some men may have a problem with lust if they see a lady dressed in a mini, thus exposing certain body parts that stimulate sexual desire. Similarly, some women may have a problem with men dressed in such shorts. The Church has always emphasized decency as the standard for dressing and does not necessarily insist that you must put on in a certain way. In public, the same arguments apply with the addition that those who dress in this manner could become victims of rape and other vices.